Friday, April 22, 2016

Greetings from the FBI

Editor's Note: This came to me at 1:45 a.m. and seems totally legit. Apparently I have to send $96 to an FBI agent named Nicholas Smith (who just so happens to have an international phone number) in order to get my $4.8 million that I've won from the International Lottery Company, of which I have never played. Like I said, totally legit. Let me know if you can think of ways that I can spend this money... I can tell you that I am completely open to filling a pool filled with gold coins and diving in just like Scrooge McDuck in the opening credits of Duck Tales. As always, what appears below is an exact copy of the email; thus, enjoy the typos! 



From: OFFICE FILE <hanaichi.@rapid.ocn.ne.jp>
Subject: FBI Headquarters, Washington, D.C.

Anti-Terrorist And Monetary Crimes Division
FBI Headquarters, Washington, D.C.
Federal Bureau Of Investigation
J.Edgar Hoover Building
935 Pennsylvania Avenue, Nw
Washington, D.C. 20535-0001


ATTENTION: BENEFICIARY

This e-mail has been issued to you in order to Officially inform you that we have completed an investigation on an International Payment in which was issued to you by International Lottery Company. With the help of our newly developed technology (International Monitoring Network System) we discovered that your e-mail address was automatically selected by an Online Balloting System, this has legally won you the sum of $4.8million USD from a Lottery Company outside the United States of America. During our investigation we discovered that your e-mail won the money from an Online Balloting System and we have authorized this winning to be paid to you via INTERNATIONAL CERTIFIED BANK DRAFT.

Normally, it will take up to 5 business days for an INTERNATIONAL CERTIFIED BANK DRAFT by your local bank. We have successfully notified this company on your behalf that funds are to be drawn from a registered bank within the world winded, so as to enable you cash the check instantly without any delay, henceforth the stated amount of $4.8million USD has been deposited with IMF.

We have completed this investigation and you are hereby approved to receive the winning prize as we have verified the entire transaction to be Safe and 100% risk free, due to the fact that the funds have been deposited with IMF you will be required to settle the following bills directly to the Lottery Agent in-charge of this transaction whom is located in Cotonou, Benin Republic. According to our discoveries, you were required to pay for the following,

(1) Deposit Fee's ( IMF INTERNATIONAL CLEARANCE CERTIFICATE )
(2) Shipping Fee's ( This is the charge for shipping the Cashier's Check to your home address)

The total amount for everything is $96.00 We have tried our possible best to indicate that this $96.00 should be deducted from your winning prize but we found out that the funds have already been deposited to IMF and cannot be accessed by anyone apart from you the winner, therefore you will be required to pay the required fee's to the Agent in-charge of this transaction

In order to proceed with this transaction, you will be required to contact the agent in-charge ( MR. NICHOLAS SMITH ) via e-mail. Kindly look below to find appropriate contact information:

CONTACT AGENT NAME: MR. NICHOLAS SMITH
PHONE NUMBER: +22999o73261
Email= imfofficebenin03@citromail.hu


You will be required to e-mail him with the following information:

FULL NAME:
ADDRESS:
CITY:
STATE:
ZIP CODE:
DIRECT CONTACT NUMBER:
OCCUPATION:

You will also be required to request Western Union or Money Gram details on how to send the required $96.00 in order to immediately ship your prize of $4.8million USD via INTERNATIONAL CERTIFIED BANK DRAFT from IMF, also include the following transaction code in order for him to identify this transaction : EA2948-910.

This letter will serve as proof that the Federal Bureau Of Investigation is authorizing you to pay the required $96.00 ONLY to MR. NICHOLAS SMITH via information in which he shall send to you,

MR. JAMES B. COMEY
Federal Bureau of Investigation F B I
Yours in Service,Photograph of Director
JAMES COMEY, IIIJAMES COMEY,
III Director Office of Public Affairs

Thursday, April 21, 2016

The First World Problems of HGB & MAB cont.

There have been forty-one posts of this nature; not surprisingly I continue to accumulate many contributions from family and friends in addition to the ones that MAB and me experience on our own. It all begs the question: Is life in the first world getting to be too hard for us? Well, yes. Yes it is.

As always, you should know that anything posted on facebook and Twitter is totally fair game. It's just too easy for me to pluck your first world problems from there and drop them here on The Steel Trap. I have screen shots for days. Note: Just because these are written in first person point of view, doesn't mean that they are MAB's or mine. Or does it? You decide.
  • I got asked to be a groomsman. 
  • And with a slight motion of the wrist, I switched my facebook to Spanish! Who knows the Spanish word for "settings" and "language"?!?!?
  • First my iPhone camera will only take pictures in selfie mode. Now the flashlight button won't work. 
  • I walked past a Banana Republic sale today. I now know what it's like to turn down a free drink. 
  • My Sirius XM just automatically renewed. When did it jump to $200 a year? That is not what I paid before! 
  • I will not pull the snag on that sweater. I will not pull the snag on that sweater. I will not pull the snag on that sweater. 
  • I can not pre-order Harry Potter and the Cursed Child because the release date is July 31 and we will be right smack in the middle of buying a new house, in a new state, and I do not yet know what my address will be.
  • Well, it only took me a few hours to hate the new instagram algorithm. 
  • I just said to myself, "You're a grown ass woman, act like it," and then I saw a crumb and thought it was a bug and tripped over a chair. 
  • I'll never be able to get through the unread blog posts on The Old Reader but I don't want to delete them either. 
  • I feel like no matter where you go shopping for bridesmaid dresses, there's a horror story about having to sign away your engagement ring, your honeymoon, and first born child in order to get the dresses in on time. 
  • I got sunburned taking a walk with my children in Maryland in April. God help me when I move to Florida!
  • I am actually mad at myself for liking Zayn's album as much as I do. 
  • My new iPhone 6 takes up so much space in my back pocket, that it makes my butt cheek sweat. 
  • I woke up one morning with a hangover, only to find that my shower curtain had come down in the middle of the night. Go ahead. You try putting that thing back up with head spins and nausea just so that you can get a shower to become human again. 
  • I saw a whole bunch of "I'm pregnant" jokes on facebook for April Fool's Day. Really? Is there no better joke? 
  • There is a mouse in my house and my sister and/or my mother are no where close to help me. 
  • Jonathan Groff is no longer in Hamilton so I have little motivation to spend $800 on a ticket. 
  • I hate taking the wrappers off of English cucumbers.
  • Sometimes I really like PB Teen (Pottery Barn); I wonder if I can buy it and pass it off as edgy Target home decor? 
  • My "no show" socks will not stay on my feet when I wear my Sperry Topsiders.
  • I am bring cyber-stalked by a coworker. 
  • Sometimes you favorite a tweet a little too fast and there's nothing you can do about it. 
  • I cannot decide what's more annoying to listen to: crying babies, yappy purse dogs, or Rihanna's "Work." It's a total toss up.
  • I have been receiving emails from 1969. I choose to believe it is Don Draper trying to profess his undying love for me. But we all know that this is way less exciting. 

Saturday, April 16, 2016

16

Sixteen thoughts and ideas on the sixteenth of April...

  1. When Trump came into town Wednesday night, he said that wanted to bring back Joe Paterno and the steel industry. Ummmm. Guess we will exhume JoePa and then tear down SouthSide Works and The Waterfront (along with any other brownfield development) in 2017? No big deal. 
  2. Speaking of Trump, I had to unfollow a few people on facebook. I can only tolerate so much. 
  3. Note: I completely understand that folks have probably unfollowed me for the same sentiment. I mean, how much of this blog can people tolerate? For some, I imagine it's not much if any at all. 
  4. Here's a brief playlist: "Cleopatra" by The Lumineers, "Fragile" by Kygo, "Wind & Anchor" by The National Parks, "Ain't Your Mama" by Jennifer Lopez, "One Dance" by Drake, and "Boys & Girls" by will.i.am. 
  5. I found a pair of jeans that fits! I wore them and they didn't get weird! Now I have to by a pair in every color! Oh, and they are old faithful... Levi Strauss.  
  6. Someone asked me why I don't have more than one television. I was dumbfounded. Why would I need more than one television? I live in a one story flat with my dog. And y'all know that Mojito would never go into another room and watch General Hospital alone. He needs me to fully discuss and analyze the complicated residents of Port Charles, NY during commercial breaks with him. 
  7. Hamilton: The Revolution is everything that I had hoped it would be. If you are a lover of history and of musicals, you would truly enjoy all of the information, references, and storytelling. Lin-Manual Miranda is a genius. 
  8. There are certain people that you can talk to late at night and you know that laughter is inevitable. And not just LOLing. I'm talking about LMFAOing. And I am grateful for those people.  
  9. I made $3 on my tax return this year. So I shall use that to make a sound investment in a Sugar Free Red Bull.  
  10. Warmer temperatures are here. I better not hear/read anyone complaining. 
  11. Are real selfies still a thing? 
  12. The Entertainment Weekly summer movie preview issue is out! My goal is to get to at least one movie per week on vacation this year. Top of the list: The Legend of Tarzan. Because Skarsgard. 
  13. PSB is watching Mojito for a week and I am already feeling lost without him.  
  14. Are anyone else's eyes really itchy this week?  
  15. Thanks to SAA, whose expression "Act like you've been somewhere!" is now uttered by yours truly at least sixteen times a day to whomever needs to act like they've been somewhere. 
  16. If you are into visual art and public education, here's a free event! The Woodland Hills School District 2016 All District Art Show is an impressive showcase of students' artistic talent from across the district (Braddock, North Braddock, Rankin, Forest Hills, Swissvale, Edgewood, Chalfant, Braddock Hills, East Pittsburgh, Turtle Creek, Wilkins Twp., and Churchill) in Kindergarten through Twelfth Grades. The show is open to the public on 04/29 from 5:30 to 8:00 p.m. and on 04/30 from 12-1:00 pm. and 6:30 to 8:00 p.m. Personally, it's not something I'd miss. (2550 Greensburg Pike, 15221) 




Tuesday, April 12, 2016

12

Twelve thoughts and ideas for the twelfth of April...

  1. If you are not yet watching ABC's The Family, get on board. You're welcome. 
  2. #CaileighsFightSong
  3. Today is National Grilled Cheese Day and I had to find out on twitter. My sister must be the only who loves me enough to tell me. See if I invite any of y'all over for my famous grilled cheese bar tonight. 
  4. My copy of Hamilton: The Revolution has been shipped and my copy of Harry Potter and the Cursed Child Parts I & II has been pre-ordered. It was a big day for me on Amazon. 
  5. The blog on which I occasionally contribute my thoughts and ideas is looking for writers! Check out this link for more information about how to join the Urban Cashmere team. 
  6. SAB recently came to the conclusion that Mojito looks like Christopher Guest circa The Princess Bride. It's fine. Mojito's predecessor (RIP Butchie Boy) looked like Samuel L. Jackson circa Snakes on a Plane.  
  7. My track team ran against my alma mater today; what a strange feeling... bleeding turquoise and black while lighting up at the sight of the maroon and white. That's right. No matter how long I am away from that town, I will still sing the "Alma Mater" with my finger pointing in the air like it was yesterday. #raidernation 
  8. Trump will be in Pittsburgh tomorrow. Everyone should stay indoors to protect themselves from the hate. 
  9. As I write this, Mojito has climbed onto my lap and I cannot see the keyboard. He's also whining from his throat, sounding much like the creaky floorboards of a certain house on Stockton Avenue. 
  10. I have stopped taking my medication for my hips so that I could get a clearer grasp on the pain and of my overall mobility issues. It's not good. I can barely walk at times. Note: within 24 hours of publication, my mother will mention this.  
  11. A few of my students went to Sheetz for breakfast today and they chipped in to bring me a drink. It's the little things.   
  12. MAB posted the most amazing picture on instagram yesterday. It's so full of sass. It's so full of the nineties. It's so full of us

Sunday, April 3, 2016

Housekeeping

Hey everyone! It's April. The Pirates home opener game is today and we all had to clean snow and ice off of our vehicles. Why this surprises anyone is beyond me. We live in Pittsburgh. 

Here are some of the highlights from March: 

As for April: 
  • I'll be checking out my buddy JAS in the CLO's production of First Date
  • I'll be seeing a few high school musicals. 
  • LMK has a birthday! EAM has a birthday! So does BDW (the card is in the mail!)!
  • Mad Mex's margarita flavor of the month for April is strawberry banana. I can attest to its awesomeness because I've already had two. 
  • Click on this hashtag: #PghGBE to read all of the great posts from the annual April 1st Pittsburgh Guest Blogger Exchange. (Thanks to AJF from everybody loves you... for once again organizing such a great event to promote local blogging). 
  • I'll be getting Mojito groomed. He's a baby Ewok at this point, and he's sweaty. 
"Mom. Give me that pizza. Seriously. Quit playing."

As I have always said when ending one of these posts, thank you for reading and continuing to read The Steel Trap. March was another successful month regarding our number of hits; we surpassed 350K hits overall and progress is consistent. We climbed back up in the top 5 on zomato (formerly urbanspoon)! As always, thank you for "liking" The Steel Trap on facebook, following @The_Steel_Trap on Twitter and @The_Steel_Trap on Instagram. Lastly, if anyone has anything that they would like me to cover, or a restaurant for me to review, please send me a message. I am always open to suggestions!

Helloooo April!
-HGB