Tuesday, May 21, 2013

As Seen On TV: Air Curler

There are countless things that I love about my cousin MLB and one of those is her true appreciation for "As Seen On TV" products (if you remember, I've made it no small secret that I love anything with a great infomercial, like Flex Seal and Pajama Jeans). She shared this gem with me, and I cannot imagine keeping it all to myself. Check this ahhhht:

Because this particular infomercial is full of amazingly hilarious tidbits, I did a running diary in case anyone wanted to know what I was thinking as I watched it.

0:00 This girl looks like me in the morning before work... a head full of curlers, except that she's wearing make-up. I do my make-up while my curlers are "setting" my hair.

0:04 Now, clearly curlers and curling irons are under attack here. In defense of my trusty curlers, it takes around 30 seconds for them to heat up, two minutes for me to get them in my hair, five to six minutes for the curls to set, and less than a minute to take them out. So overall, that's less than ten minutes total. It's not an inconvenience at all, and I can say that with over twenty years of experience of doing my own hair.*

0:10 Here we go! We've got a name! The Air Curler! It looks easy enough and the model is doing a good job at appearing happy. But why is she doing her hair in the living room?

0:11 It's a "revolutionary new styling tool that creates the perfect curl every time!" Okay, Air Curler. Go around making claims like that and you have gained my full attention. Proceed to amaze me.

0:15 So it looks like I could make one of these with some PVC and a juice pitcher. Right?

0:22 "Look closely!" I am! I am!

0:23 Wait. Why would I want my hair to be spun like it's in "a cotton candy machine"? What kind of sticky vortex situation is this?

0:27 This is misleading: "Loose, luscious, trendy curls in less than 20 seconds." They fail to mention that these 20 seconds are PER SECTION.

0:32 Now they are telling me that it spins my hair "like a tornado." Is a natural disaster simile the best figurative language option? No.

0:55 My favorite part of any infomercial is the "before and after" comparison. It's total unintentional comedy hidden beneath a poor persuasive tactic. By the way, is it a requirement that models look unhappy with a possible stomach virus in the "before" picture?

0:58 Nope. Not sexy. The 1995 prom called. It wants its tendrils back.

1:05 It "fits every hairdryer"? Even the ones attached to the wall in hotels? I don't believe that for one second.

1:13 "It's never been so easy to create hair that looks so good." Yes it has! How quickly they forgot Topsy Tails, EZ CombsBumpits, Hairagami and Hairdini! Well The Steel Trap remembers!

1:30 Okay, so I'm looking at $14.99 plus shipping and handling. That's doable.

1:31 My second favorite part of any infomercial is the infamous "BUT WAIT!" It's always a few nanoseconds before I hear what I am going to get if I "call (or click) now."

1:36 A-ha! I can get a second Air Curler as a bonus as long as I pay separate shipping and handling. Slight catch, and I am not sure I would want two Air Curlers before I see how one works.

And that's it. I am not sold, nor was I totally amazed. My hair is crazy thick, and if it takes twenty seconds per section, then I would be spending more time on my hair than I would with my faithful set of curlers. In other words, who's going to order the Air Curler so I can get a full report?

*There were a lot of French braids and sponge rollers used experimentally on my hair in the late eighties/early nineties.  #awkwardphase